The Girls Are Back In Town, And Their Boobs Are Still Magnificent!
Do you like boobs and video games? If you answered yes to that then I’m sure you’ve heard of the Senran Kagura series. If you haven’t, you have no idea what you’ve been missing out on!
Senran Kagura is a video game series created by the brilliant and lovable, Kenichiro Takaki. It follows the lives of young female ninjas who all possess breasts that defy gravity. These busty beauties are all associated with different ninja academies that usually end up competing against one another in various competitions. Somehow, in one way or another, these competitions always end up with all of the girl’s clothes falling off in ridiculous and hilarious ways.
In past games in the franchise, the academies would face off while brandishing sharp & deadly weapons, in some cases almost killing each other, but the most recent game in the series, Bon Appetit: Full Course, had the girls trading their weaponry for kitchen knives and other utensils. Don’t worry though. Even though Bon Appetit was a cooking rhythm game, the girls’ clothing still ended up flying off of their bodies and onto the floor. You can’t take the boobs out of Senran Kagura!
Well, the Senran Kagura girls are back yet again, but this time, instead of using various deadly samurai weapons or kitchen utensils, they are now armed with an assortment of outrageous Super Soakers! So, what’s a bunch of big-boobed shinobi gals going to do with all of these water guns? Well, shoot each other until their clothes come off, of course!
Each of the four ninja academies have been summoned to compete in “Peach Beach Splash”, a mysterious water gun tournament that has existed since the ancient times. The kicker is that the winning academy will be gifted anything their heart desires. But as with any Senran Kagura competition, nothing is as it seems. Something funny is going on behind the scenes and the girls must figure out what the mystery is that surrounds this competition.
The story will unfold by letting the players choose which of the 4 academies they’d like to take into battle. Every squad has their own story arc, providing 4 different outcomes. Additionally, once all 4 campaigns have been completed, a story arc will unlock that wraps everything up and places a big red bow on top. Players can look to get a total of 5-6 hours playtime out of the main campaign alone. If you’re one of those gamers who need to 100% everything, well, considering all the unlockables in the game, you’re going to be busy for a while!
Is that an Eggplant in Your Pants?
Besides the campaign, players can also get their hands on Paradise Episodes, which offer small side stories that go behind the scenes of the real story. These are mostly the same kind of missions you can expect to play during the campaign, but wedged in between text heavy sub stories. It’s a nice addition and adds some extra missions, but I’m here for the girls, and a text filled screen in a Senran Kagura game doesn’t do it for me.
There is also the V-Road challenge for those that want to skip any kind of story and get right into the water-gun action. This mode lets players pick and choose their team of girls and jump right into the Peach Beach Splash tournament. These are mostly timed events that task the player with declothing as many of the girls as possible. This is a great mode if you wish to just show off the game to friends who rather not sit through the story.
What a Sweet Peach!
Enough with story, let’s talk about the actual gameplay itself. Every battle will start the player’s squad of five at one end of a map with their goal being to take out the other squad of five (who starts on the other side of the map). Girls are considered KO’d when they are knocked down three times. The 3rd knockdown means that a girl is out, but she can be revived by her teammates if they managed to get close enough to her without taking fire. Once all of the girls on a team are knocked out, the other team wins. Simple enough!
When opponents do fall you’ll have the option to enter “squirmy” mode. There is where you’ll soak the girls as much as possible with your squirting rubber ducky. It’s up to you what article of clothing that you’d like to see get blasted off. Top, bottom, or play it nice and just soak their head. This is what you’re here for, and Peach Beach Splash doesn’t disappoint. I don’t care how many times I see Yumi’s bra fall off, I can’t get enough of it. Also, who doesn’t love shooting a girls panties off with a Super Soaker? I can’t be the only one who’s ever dreamed of such a thing. Right? Um, where was I? Oh, yeah, actual gameplay!
Back to the Basics
Similar to other games in the series, some battles will be against hundreds upon hundreds of random female enemies instead of a team of 5 shnobi girls. The enemies come in the form of bikini-clad beauties carrying pool noodles in replacement of swords, inner tube wearing babes who throw themselves and their inner tubes at you, and numerous air-type robot-looking baddies that always seem to come out of nowhere. These battles are usually preliminary missions that the player must win before facing off against one of the academies. This may all sound like a lot to handle, but thankfully there are plenty of options when it comes to shooting off clothes with water guns.
Let’s Get Soaked!
There’s a grand total of eleven various soakers to douse these buxom beauties with! My personal favorite was dual wielding pistols due to their quick reload times and speedy rapid fire, but with so many options, I’m sure to change my favorite more sooner than later. Of course, classic guns such as assault and sniper rifles make appearances, and will provide players different types of water streams to blast off bikini tops and bottoms. For “Rambo” type players who like to penetrate enemies headfirst, there are Gatling guns and shotguns to grant those desires. With so many options, Peach Beach Splash is sure to make shooter fans happy. They may even forget that they’re firing water streams instead of bullets!
Peach Beach Splash’s guns may seem weak at first, but they are all upgradable. Every mission that ends in a victory will award the player a pack of cards (more on card function later) that players can use as payment toward upgrading the weapon of their choice. Each upgrade will enhance gun stats such as fire rate, range, and accuracy. These cards can be used as payment, with the rarity of the card being worth more EXP points. It took me a few transactions to realize that selling cards will not remove them from your deck. This was confusing at first and I was holding off on letting any go, but after a few much needed upgrades, I noticed that all of my cards remained in my inventory. It’s a confusing system, but after a few purchases, you’ll become accustomed to it.
Hey, Four Aces!
Other than a form of upgrade payment, the cards can be used as perks during missions. Before starting a battle, players will be given the option to choose what girl they’d like to control, what type of gun they’d wish to wield, and what card deck suits them best. Card functionality depends on the type and rarity of the card. Homing projectiles, shields, increased rate of fire, and tons of other card enhancements are at your disposal. It’s worth noting that the cards are not always available during battle. Using a card will cause the card to go into cooldown mode, making it inactive for a period of time. Careful planning is needed to get the most out of a deck’s overall benefits.
Building a solid deck took a big chunk of my time, but I enjoyed putting a set together that fit my personal gameplay style. Let me explain. Just when I thought that I had it all figured out, a different combination of cards would pop in my head mid-mission. This is mostly due to the card upgrade or “enhancement” system. Similar to guns, the cards themselves can be upgraded by using cards that you’ve collected. It adds a ton of options for players who like to change things up and tinker with their settings until everything is perfected. Thankfully, up to 10 decks can be saved, so if you’re like me and have a tough time building your deck, you have plenty of slots for test decks.
So, What Do You Do Here?
Once you pick your girl, gun, and set your deck, it’s time to get to looking at the boobs…er… I mean jump into a few battles. The player will be given a 3rd person perspective, over the shoulder of the girl. Shooting is done with the R2 trigger, and the L1 and L2 triggers are used to fire manually or lock on a target, respectively. The button that you’ll be using most is the square button. This is the reload button, and you’ll need it often. I’m talking very often. I was reloading after every dispatched enemy. Reloading is simply pumping the Super Soaker, but doing this seems to take an eternity, especially with hundreds of enemies on my tail. Even after several gun upgrades I still felt the need to reload after every enemy KO’d.
The square button is also the button you’ll be using to revive your fallen teammates, which is something else you’ll be doing way more often than you should need to. The beginning stages of the game seemed fine, but toward the end you’ll quickly realize how bad your teammate AI really is. Some matches would start off with them dying almost immediately, which meant every enemy had only one target left…me. Better teammate AI would make the latter missions not feel as cheap, but then again, this did add some much needed challenge. Most of Peach Beach Splash can be considered too easy, even on the most difficult setting. I’d rather not rely on bad teammates for a challenge though.
That’s Not It
Most of my enjoyment with Peach Beach Splash came from the fire missions and the incredible boss battles. Every academy story arc features a mission where the girls accidentally light a map on fire (yes, it’s a running joke). The player must run around the map and put out all of the fires. Sounds easy enough, but toss in your standard fare of enemies and you have yourself a frantic and fun challenge. The fire missions are basic, but offered a nice change of pace considering 90% of the game is shooting other girls.
The boss battles at the end of every academy story arc are ludicrous and incredibly memorable. I personally loved attempting to destroy the “Gropety Grope Machine” before it made it’s way across the map to grope one of the girls. Don’t even get me started on the Lickety Lick Machine! Yeah, you can imagine what that thing does! The final battle in the main story is nothing short of spectacular. I’d rather not give it away here, but you should prepare for one epic dance off.
We’re All a Little Perverted
I’d be hard pressed not to mention the dressing room/showers. It’s here that you’ll be able to dress up the girls in the numerous outfits and accessories that you’ve unlocked or purchased (with in-game currency from winning battles). The outfits will be carried over to the story missions, but unfortunately the girls will be in their standard white bathing suits during squirmy finishers. It would have been nice to see the girls have alternative clothing items shot off of them instead of the standard white bathing suits every time.
Tucked away inside the dressing room is Intimacy mode. This is a mode where you might want to lock the doors and close the drapes before tinkering with. The girls can be viewed from any angle in this mode, but more importantly, they can be touched. Yep, two sets of gropey hands will appear and it’s up to decide you what you want to do with them. I personally get a kick out of twisting boobs around and making them look like pancakes, but that’s just me. Like I said, make sure to close those drapes.
More to Come
There is a big online component to Peach Beach Splash, but unfortunately at the time of this writing, it’s not available to review just yet. I’ll update this part of the review once I get some time in. If it’s anything like the single player, it should be amazing!
If you’re already a Senran Kagura fan you’ve probably already preordered the No Shirt, No Shoes, All Service Edition. You obviously just came here for the pictures. Don’t worry, I won’t judge. If you’re not a fan yet, but are interested, this is a great starting point. There is so much fun to be had here that I’d be hard-pressed not to recommend this title to fans of the shooter genre. If you don’t like breasts, you’re not going to like this game. I feel sorry for you. For the rest of you, I can’t wait to see you online!
Final Verdict: 4.5/5
Available on: PlayStation 4; Publisher: XSEED Games ; Developer: Tamsoft; Players: 1-10 ; Released: September 26th, 2017 ; ESRB: M for Mature ; MSRP: $59.99
Full disclosure: This review is based on a PlayStation 4 review copy of Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash given to HeyPoorPlayer by the publisher.