Yes, they’ve been doing it for years

Save him! He’s being sucked into a post-Kojima Metal Gear game!

In case you’ve somehow managed to miss the utter shitstorm that’s recently spread across the Internet like a very angry wildfire, Konami recently revealed their first Metal Gear game to be created since the departure of series creator Hideo Kojima. Titled Metal Gear Survive, it involves a group of new characters being sucked through a wormhole into another dimension overrun with zombie-like creatures. So, as you can see, very in-line with the rest of the series… oh wait, no it isn’t.

While the game does have its defenders, the majority of feedback from fans and non-fans alike has been overwhelmingly negative and continues the trend of Konami receiving nothing but vitriol from the gaming community. But would you believe me when I say that Konami’s recent track record of screwing things up isn’t that new? Before even the pachinko machines, Konami has had a habit of failing to understand what made their franchises so popular in the first place for years. So read on and slap your head in disbelief at some of those very instances and learn that Konami’s downfall has always been something of an inevitability.

1. C: The Contra Adventure (PS1)

What does the ‘C’ stand for? Contra? So, it’s Contra: The Contra Adventure?

OK, first off, that title sounds really dumb. Secondly, can you believe that this was an attempt to right the wrongs committed by the previous entry in the series? Legacy of War was an attempt to bring the Contra series into the 3D age – key word being “attempt.” It’s so bad that some fans have managed to completely block its existence from their memories. So when this title was released, returning to the traditional 2D style of run-and-gun gameplay, many expected/hoped it’d be a return to form. Boy, were they wrong.

While it may have had all the hallmarks of a classic Contra title, it was ultimately hampered by just shoddy design. It wasn’t fun to play, had terrible graphics, music and sound effects, and was ball-crushingly difficult. As in “go back to the very beginning of the level every time you die” difficult. Super-hard games can be annoying enough, but a game that’s super-hard AND not fun to play in anyway shape or form is doomed to be dropped into the bargain bin. The game wasn’t even released outside of North America; that’s how bad it was (that might not be the actual reason but I could believe it).

Somehow, Konami and developer Appaloosa Interactive, in an attempt to fix their mistakes, managed to repeat the same mistakes and make all new ones. Either that or they just didn’t care.

2. Frogger: The Great Quest (PS2, PC)

Why am I reminded of those Brazilian knock-offs of classic Pixar movies when I look at this box-art?

You guys all remember Frogger, right? Of course you do. It’s one of those classic videogames that everybody still has memories off to this day. While maybe not on the same level of recognition as, say, Mario or Pac-Man, it’s regarded by many as an all-time classic. So of course Konami had to botch that up somehow.

The jump into 3D was a tricky one for some games, so you can forgive Frogger: The Great Quest for maybe having a few rough edges. But it doesn’t. It has many. It’s so rough that being pelted with rocks would be a much smoother experience. It’s bad enough that Frogger got an updated design that looks like every modern re-design of a classic videogame character ever and he was put into a typical fantasy world (how do you go from crossing the street to saving princesses?), but the game was almost borderline unplayable, with choppy and unresponsive controls that saw Frogger casually walking off of cliffs (probably attempting to escape this hellish realm he’s trapped in) and had a camera that would much rather be staring off into the sky than actually doing its job. Oh, and the game was a complete copy-and-paste of Rayman 2, a much better 3D platformer. Seriously, Frogger’s moves were literally the same.

It may not be as bad as The Contra Adventure and it is mercifully short but it certainly explains why Frogger isn’t around as much anymore. Poor bastard’s trapped in the same void that Bubsy the Bobcat got thrown into.