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Top 5 Game Characters Who Weren’t Real

That’s right, I was in your head all along! Also, there’s some weird stuff up here…

 

Throughout gaming history we’ve always been comforted that what we see on our TV screen or monitor neatly fits into its own internal reality. From the re-assuring “bloop” of Mario’s feet connecting with a goombah’s mushroom shaped skull to Sub-Zero’s fist elaborately rupturing Scorpion’s internal organs, we can generally assume that the beings we see on screen are all on the same metaphysical plane. Every once in a while though, we come across a character who turns out to be completely unreal (and not in the tournament sense). The discovery that these characters are but a fantasy within a fantasy (insert hackneyed Inception joke here) can amuse us, shock us, or challenge our perceptions. This is why I’ve compiled this list of five of the best characters never to exist!

Obviously, there are some pretty significant spoilers ahead, so you’ll want to skip to the next item if there’s a game you’re looking to play unspoiled in the title.

5. Trevor’s Mom (Grand Theft Auto 5)

Top 5 Game Characters Who Weren't Real

It’s no secret that Grand Theft Auto 5’s Trevor is a “crazy” character. When I say “crazy”, of course, I mean the writers wanted him to do a variety of horrifically violent and zanily random things without the tiresome bother of giving him a motivation for doing them. Naturally though, since he’s a “crazy” character, he hits on a variety of pop-culture charicatures of mental disorders, including a classic Oediphal obsession with his mother. It’s alluded to that Trevor’s abusive mother might be the root of his vaguely defined neuroses, so we’re naturally very curious as to what she’s actually like.

After the main story of GTA 5 has wrapped up, Trevor returns to his trailer to find his dear mumsy, garbed in a hideously unflattering leopard-print top and neon pink yoga pants. She proceeds to lambast her psychopathic offspring for not paying her enough attention, even kneeing poor Trevor in the face as he is on his knees, begging for her forgiveness. She asks Trevor to fetch her some painkillers called Deludemol (there’s that effortlessly subtle Rockstar satire). Trevor obediently goes out to steal a truckload of of the amusingly named meds, but when he returns his mother is nowhere to be found.

It’s sort of humanising to see the mass-murdering Trevor clutching at his head as he writhes on the ground, screaming “Mother!”. Since Trevor’s mother just appears and inexplicably disappears with no explanation, we can only assume that she was just a projection in Trevor’s mind. Perhaps deep down in Trevor’s mind, he knows he’s really a bad person and wants to change, but is too overwhelmed by the enormity of the horrible things he has done, so he creates an imaginary avatar of his mother to punish and scold him for his callousness.

Hang on, with that kind of pop-psychology, I should be a writer for Rockstar! Check out the next list item while I saunter into Francis’ office and toss my resignation notice smugly onto his desk.

Jonathan is HeyPoorPlayer's token British person, so expect him to thoroughly exploit this by quoting Monty Python and saying things like "Pip, pip, toodly-whotsit!" for the delight of American readers. He likes artsy-fartsy games, RPGs and RPG-Hybrids (which means pretty much everything at this point). He used to write for Sumonix.com. He's also just realised how much fun it is to refer to himself in the third person like he's The Rock or something.

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