Youtube Garbage Sack 02/21/2015: I Am Become Die

This week: Breaking broken games, finding sausage in the buttgrass, and remixing remixes that should never have been remixed.

Hey there, interplanes. How have you been? I am fine. The sack for this week might be a tad on the short side, but after that extra-spicy double-chocolate cardiac explosion of content last time? I think this will suffice just fine. No, we’re not going to be talking about 50 Shades of Gray and how awful it is (although it is), so leave your romanticizing of disgusting rape fantasy at the door. Instead, let’s do the one thing we know how to do here in the garbage sack; get weird.

So, you know how last year’s French-Revolution-but-worse simulator Assassin’s Creed Unity wasn’t exactly a critical darling? Well, some fine gentlemen took to the task of making a video breaking the game as much as possible; as you can see, it doesn’t take long. Some part of me honestly hopes that things get even worse for the series from here, to the point where glitch-ridden visages made entirely of eyeballs and error screens become the face of the series.

Hey guys. We like to have fun here, but let’s get serious for a moment here. I want you to watch this PSA on the very real and very dangerous evils of peach rings. When you eat peach rings, nobody is safe; not your friends, not your family, and certainly not yourself. Peach rings: not even once.

(sponsored by the manufacturers of gummi sharks)

Next up, it’s time to take another peek at Scrub Tier Gamers. Last time, I posted the first episode of our new series in a fun-filled and utterly chaotic Pokemon LeafGreen randomizer. We’re switching up hosts every two weeks, and the two episodes from this last week were made by yours truly! I’m just featuring the first of my two episodes, but as of posting this there are six up; those include Eric, Kay, and my own contributions. Next week, our own Alec takes the reigns, so stay tuned! For now though, enjoy me and my adventures in failing at everything.

Now, I’m not going to tell you that you have to watch all 45 minutes of this, but not checking it out at all is a crime punishable by 100 hot lashes straight to the nipples. Whether you like the series or, as a friend of mine once said in relation to her own opinion of the series, think that “every character should be tossed into a vat of boiling hot liquified anime DVDs,” this footage from Final Fantasy XV is something to behold, just for the sake of seeing what next-gen visuals can really and truly do.

And now on to something that I WOULD encourage you to watch all of, even though its longer than the last thing! I’m a dick! Vinesauce’s own Vinny has been known to play some pretty funny shitty games. A while back he covered the Fantastic Game, an immaculately goofy and strange experience featuring Smash Mouth eggs, floating eyeballs and more. Now, the creator has been working on another beautiful experience in video game-specific mania, in the form of Le Fantabulous Game. As he plays through the newest version of the game, Vinny fights the evil forces of Shamrocks, and probably loses his fragile sanity a bit. And now you can too! Enjoy the sausage.

I would like to close today with some irrefutable proof that I am utter trash. Panty & Stocking is what we on the internet call an “anime,” a word for a dark and corrupted repository of fetishes and shitty plotlines…but hey, sexy people! If I were to voice my personal thoughts, I would say that Panty & Stocking is something of a blemish on the reputation of the studio that brought us shows like Gurren Lagann and FLCL; but hey, that’s just me. Regardless, the show had an awesome J-pop soundtrack, perfect for mixing with some good old American audio tarsh. I’m going to go jam out to the sound of a hummer running over copies of Akira now.

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Jay Petrequin started writing at HeyPoorPlayer in the summer of 2012, but first got his start writing for It's Super Effective, a Pokemon podcast that happened to be a reflection of two of his biggest interests: pocket monsters, and making people listen to him say things.

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